Nordic Sweetie Pie

Miss Nordic Patroller Pie
written by Don McLean & Thomas Sleckman

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how those snowflakes used to make me smile
Long before I knew Mary Chance
I had that feeling in my pants
That maybe I should join the ski patrol
But February made me shiver
Shots of vodka hurts my liver
Bad news in my future
I had to get back to nature
I can't remember if I scored
An "F" or a "D" on my WECordy boards
But something struck a resilient chord
The year I first patrolled.
CHORUS
I started saying: "Grass Valley this is Nordic 10"
"Now in Service at the Castle and we're all on three pins."
"With good ol' boys Lorrie, Mary & Jim"
Saying - Hope we get to splint a fractured limb.
Hope we get to medicate somethin.

I
Do you know who wrote the Book of WEC
And can you do splinting to the neck
Aw....what the heck
Now did you believe when Jonathan
Says north is east and south is west
Can you cheat whenever there is a test
Now, I know that you're in love with her
'Cause you signed up for Mt Manager
One Alpine Meadows angel
Can't top hair-straightening gel.
I rode along a teenage snowboard rider
With a cheeese tomale in his lips on fire
But I knew that I could no longer get high
Those first years on patrol.
CHORUS
We all were skwaking: "Grass Valley this is Nordic 10
Now in Service at the Castle and we're all on three pins.
With good ol' boys Steve, Vicki & Jim
Saying - Hope we get to splint a fractured limb.
Hope we get to set a twisted limb.

II
I met a girl whose hair wasn't blue
She said "Do your poopy in a tube."
I just smiled and said, "No way".
I went down to that Mt. Hardware store,
Where I purchased cappachino once before
But the man there said to go to WildCherries.
In the street the plows did roam
Folks were flooded from their homes
In South Lake they weren't joking
Route 50 was seriously broken
And the three men who let it all hang out
The clown, the boss, and the boy scout
Late in the shed they were fumbling about
Those first years I patrolled.
CHORUS
We sure were busy .....

III.
Now for 5 years we've been on patrol.
The boss grows fat on those jelly rolls,
But that's how it used to be....

Cause today we got all these APD's
One if you fart and one if you sneeze
Another one with whom just to shoot the breeze.
And while the Clown was licking cream,
The Mother stole upon the scene
We all thought we should vote,
But we couldn't carry a note
And while Vicki handily carried on
The Clown churned cornice into corn.
As I heard Curtis laugh with scorn
That year we all patrolled.
CHORUS
We were crooning .....

IV.
Now, in there we were all at Bill's place
Dobro John was lost in space with
No pasta left to start again
Zander be limber, Zander sink low
Bite that bag while you hold your toes
I see that, Margaux sure is Devin's own best friend.
And as I watched him climb the wall
I was hoping that his sweat wouldn't fall
No Clown with such a smell
Could telemark so well.
So, as we all stumbled out in the night
I cracked my cocyx on that slippery ice
I swear this has happened more than twice
Last year in the patrol.
CHORUS
We were screaming .... .... and wrap up....

From the album "Lonesome Candidate" by Tom Sleckman and Paul Miller.